Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tuesday part two

So apparently after just one meeting, Bryan went running for the hills. I have my theories, but not worth the effort to even type them. Oh well, just another name among many... time to try again.

I really wish someone would explain to me just what it is that I'm lacking that I do so horribly when it comes to men. Perhaps I'm more out dated than I thought.. who knows. They seem really interested in me at first, then nothing... or what I really love.... we become just friends. My buddy list and e-mail address book is filled with guys who I had hoped for something deeper than just the occasional visit or going out for a drink.

Maybe I'm just gay-PMSing, but this shit is really REALLY bothering me. There are a few people like Anne, Jason, and my friends at work that think I'm such a good person, and really value my presence in their lives -- which is awesome. But there is a whole slew of other people that I became so attached to, who in the end I couldn't cut it with when I really started to vocalize who I was, and how I feel, and the way I see life. People I considered family, and close close friends... all gone because of me being me. My friends from church who turned their backs on me.. people I was GREAT friends with for four years.. worked so closely with, went to dinners at their homes, spent holidays with, called on the phone... The Grecos, the Trainors, "Aunt" Ruth... all gone. Now even Tim.

I was lucky, with people like Anne and Jason, it just clicked... and we love each other, faults and all.. and can respect each other without a word being said. But when it comes to other people, I've learned to keep my guard up, and keep them at a distance.

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