POP!

I have been trying SO hard to stay positive and make things work.  I have been so intent on moving forward, but the bubble ALWAYS bursts.  It may stay there for a little while, but it pops in the end.. and I'm left where I was before.

Everything is always out of reach.  You ever had that feeling?  You can almost touch it and grab it.. pull towards you what you've wanted and work for.  Then SNATCH.  Gone.

It's been happening for quite some time now.  I'm not over it yet.. nor am I used to it.

Sometimes you just want to stay down. 

Tea Time

My family are big coffee drinkers.  When I was growing up, I remember Dad taking out the big air tight can of coffee in the morning, opening the lid and letting us kids smell the coffee grounds.  I still love that smell - I love the smell of coffee.. I just hate the taste of it.  Isn't that odd?  To love the smell but dislike the taste?

Once in a while at large family dinners or when Mom had guests over, tea would be served.  I never remember her using a teapot - only a microwave and the pedestal tea cups that went with her Corelle dishes.  For some reason seeing them drink tea meant the occasion was something special - and in our house - having any company over was special (especially since Mom would go nuts cleaning in anticipation of a visit).

I tried tea when I was a kid but never cared for that either.  It was less bitter than coffee, so I think after giving it a try over and over again I became accustomed to it. When I was in college, I always sat at my desk or on campus with a cup of hot tea at my finger tips as I poured over the course work.  The subtle flavors were always soothing and had a calming and refining feel.

Since college, I found myself drinking gallons of tea a day.  Okay.. maybe not GALLONS, but a lot!  I have an electric kettle that always seems to be on - and I'm the only one who drinks the tea.  I imagine I average about 12 cups (8 oz cups) a day - perhaps more on my day off from work.

Just before Christmas I went with my mother to a local antique shop.  One thing my mother has come to appreciate about having a gay son is that she has someone to go antiquing with!  Anywho... there is a little "restaurant" next to the shop we go to called "The White Linen Tea Room".  They serve high tea there, run a catering business and make the best scones I've ever had.  Usually I never pay attention to the place as I don't know many people who would enjoy high tea - and I never saw the pull of loose tea.  Why get loose tea when I can get the tea bag stuff at the grocery store for a few bucks less?

We ventured in to pick up a present for a friend of ours (they sell some interesting little gifts in addition to tea) - and of course to have a free scone they always give to customers.  I decided to pick up a box of loose tea and give it a chance.

The sales lady was very friendly and started telling me all about how to make tea properly.  I kept thinking, "umm.. you boil the water, drop the tea bag in (or infuser in this case) and PRESTO - tea!".  I never knew that keeping the tea bag or tea infuser in the water too long will spoil the taste of the tea.  Some teas are only meant to steep for three minutes, some six minutes.  After that, they can become bitter and the taste change drastically.

Who would have thunk it?  All this time I was making tea the wrong way?

So I went home, followed the directions and brewed my new loose tea in my teapot (I like the formality that can go with the tea culture so I always used a teapot and cups and saucers).  I let the tea steep for the five minutes it called for.  MMMmm!  So good!  If you're a fan of tea, I highly recommend treating yourself to some loose tea!  The flavors are better than anything I've had from a box off the shelf from Tops.

Tonight for the first time, I even noticed there are directions for making the tea properly on the box of a brand I do buy from the stores (I can't afford to be a total tea snob).  It's only supposed to steep for five minutes versus just leaving the tea bags in the pot like I always have.  So.. I tried it tonight (yes, I'm drinking some now).  Again - what a difference!  It does taste so much better!

I'd share my findings with my Mom, but she now only serves coffee to company.  Shame.

New Year - New Game Plan

Happy New Year to all my friends and readers out there in cyber land!!!  I hope you rang in the New Year safely and with the ones you love.

It is traditional for people to make New Year's resolutions.. promises of change and improvement that they intend to keep as the new year unfolds -- a fresh start.  Usually however, these resolutions fall by the wayside by February.

I however have a battle plan for this year to make some positive changes.  I do want to focus on eating healthier -- though I'm not doing the typical drastic dieting that many people do at the start of the year.. which causes their momentum to burn out in a week or so.  It will have to be a very gradual change with small baby steps towards an overall change in my eating habits.  My biggest obstacle (right now) is getting rid if the Christmas cookies!!!  Ugh, home-made cookies are my weakness!!

My second goal, which I have already begun working on, is my financial situation.  For those who perhaps don't know, I still live with my parents at the ripe old age of 29.  While I do have a small section of the house to myself consisting of bedroom, bathroom and small living room (plus my own entrance and patio), I crave my own freedom and address - not to mention more SPACE to call my own.

As my folks will tell you, saving money was never my strong suit.  With my new job position at work which has given me full time status, I have begun to make better financial plans for my savings.  I have gradually cut back on my spending - something else that is being accomplished in baby steps - but showing positive improvements.  I have enough money saved up for a month's rent... which seems rather insignificant to most, but is a far cry from not having a savings account at all over the past few years.

I have allotted a chunk of my pay check to be directly deposited into my savings account - the equivalent of what I plan to spend on rent per month - to build up funds.  I hope to be in the situation to move into an apartment before Christmas season 2012... but if it takes a few more months of savings past that, that works too... it's a fluid time line depending on what I can set aside and what apartments in my price range and area I'm looking to live become available.

One positive aspect of my past spending is that I have most of the essentials for when I do move out.  I have a small sofa and living room furniture - lamps - a full set of dishes - kitchen utensils and silverware - pots and pans - hell, I even have a vacuum cleaner.  It's now a matter of saving up for the rent and utilities.

It seems like a daunting challenge at times, but one I am passionate about and know I will achieve.  I look forward with great enthusiasm to achieving and sustaining this goal in particular and know it will be a positive change and step forward in my life.

I'm ready for you, 2012.. this is going to be a great year!!

AAaahhhh chooooooo!

I think I am just recovering from the plague.  I have no idea what bug it was I caught, but the damn thing won't leave!  Today is the first day since Friday night that I can actually move around and get things done without needing to collapse and nap.  Thankfully I had enough sick time to call off this week and have tomorrow off to make sure I'm over this -- whatever it is.

Since Friday I've felt like "death warmed" over as the old adage goes.  My co-worker was just out with the flu, but we had different symptoms.  She had the type you can lose weight from (if you catch my drift) -- whereas I have been achy, weak, congested, coughing and a throat redder than the coals of Hell.  If this was a cold, it was a cold on steroids!!! 

When I woke up to go to Mass Sunday I saw I had an email on my phone from an old friend from my former parish.  She told me my best friend Anne (who is suffering from brain cancer) has had to move into a nursing home after suffering from a small stroke recently.  Despite being sick - I stopped in for a brief visit after Mass (I was able to regain my strength on the car ride from the city to NT).  I didn't get to close to her so as not to share the plague that had claimed me... but wanted to just say hello and let her know I am around.

It bothers me to see such a vital - charismatic - independent lady reduced to a wheel chair in a small nursing home room.  She tries to keep up her sense of humor - which has won her favor with the nurses and aids, but you can see the fire in her eyes has diminished greatly.  Still though, we manage to make each other laugh.

I miss our long talks into the wee hours of the morning over numerous pots of tea.  You know how some people just click and can talk for hours?  That's Anne and me.. and I always valued that time together.  Tea with her was always nice in and of itself aside from the conversation - real china cups and saucers - never a mere MUG.  "My mother would KILL me if she saw me serving guests tea in a mug!".  I always enjoyed the little extras - and she sure knew how to make anyone who walked into her house feel like a king or queen!

Once I've recovered fully, I'll get to baking my Christmas cookies and bring her some next time I visit.  It will be a good motivation to actually get the holiday baking done - I'm always in need of motivation these days!

Better to have loved and lost?

I know a few people who are going through some rough break ups right now.  I can see the pain they carry with them as they mourn the passing of this type of relationship in their lives.  I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to share with them to ease their heartache - but my heartache is caused by never experiencing a relationship at all.

Every Christmas I find myself wanting one thing only: someone to share my life with.  I used to jokingly tell people I'd written to Santa and asked for world peace and a boyfriend.  Neither ever came true.

Holidays are tough for me, I'll be honest.  Each day of the year I feel the loneliness - especially at the end of the day when it's just me... but holidays are the worst.

I've never experienced buying Christmas presents for someone I love (in that way) - or snuggling up together looking at the tree lights.  So many moments, feelings and metaphors expressed in Christmas songs are only known to me through characters in movies.

It's the worst time of year to lose someone you love - it's harder still for those of us who never have loved.

Old Time Radio Shows

Now that I have this amazing Internet radio, I have downloaded some old radio shows and put them on a flash drive which is compatible with the radio.  Have I mentioned how much I love this radio??

Anywho..  the radio series I'm listening to is "Our Miss Brooks" from the late 1940s starring Eve Arden (she played the principal on GREASE) and Gale Gordon (the second Mr. Wilson on the original DENNIS THE MENACE).  Miss. Brooks is a high school English teacher and the series centers around her life and the people in the school.  Makes me nostalgic for working in a classroom again.

I have listened to some episodes before (they air them from time to time on a local radio station), but now I'm trying to listen to as many episodes as I can download off the Internet.

Radio shows can be a lot of fun.  Unlike television or movies, you create the "set" or surroundings in your mind.. even what the characters looks like.  The dialogue is richer since the audience needs more detail to picture exactly what is going on.  You can't see a confused look on a person's face, for example, so the dialogue has to get that point across to the listener.  It's like being read aloud to from a fascinating series of short stories - "theater of the mind" as the local station calls it. 

I'd love to see a revival in radio shows.  I'm not saying it should make television obsolete, but I think people would enjoy a good radio series or two.  With all the electronic devices we have, they would be great to listen to on the go via your smart phone or laptop. 

If anyone would like to start a radio series - let me know.  I have a few ideas... not to mention I have a great voice (and face) for radio.  Ask my co-workers! I can do more voices and impressions than a person with multiple personality disorder.

Christmas Memories

I put up my tree last weekend - a week before I normally would.  I had a hellish schedule to work this Thanksgiving and knew I wouldn't be in the mood to do it this weekend.  - Oh yes, thank you to all of you who support the Black Friday madness - I didn't get to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family because I had to be at work for you. *gets off soap box*

Anyway, decorating the tree is always like a trip down memory lane.  I have a wide range of ornaments from vintage 1930s to plush animals to recent Hallmark ornaments. The serve as reminders of Christmases past - and the people who gave them to me - or the places I visited when I bought them.  That's part of the magic of Christmas.. reliving fond memories of days past and friends and family who may be gone.  All of that wonderful nostalgia gets brought back up during Christmas time.

As I looked at the ornaments I thought it might be neat to share some of my Christmas stories with my readers.. all three of you.  Might make a nice distraction for the chaos that tends to be on the flip side of the Christmas holiday.


--------- The Christmas Angel ------------------

My Grandparent's always had an angel on top of their Christmas tree.  In fact, until recently, I always had an angel on top of my own tree because of the fond memories I have of Christmas at their house - though this year I opted for a 1940's star.  Anywho--- I remember one Christmas Eve when the angel on Grandma's tree became a focal point of the holiday.

It was the late 1980s and the angel on the tree was well over a decade old.  A few days before Christmas, the lights in this angel finally gave out.  These were the days before fuses in the plug could be changed or perhaps it was the type that when one bulb went out, they all did. 

I remember Gramps sitting at the kitchen table trying to get the lights to work, but to no avail.  He finally admitted defeat and simply put the angel back on the tree.  Without it's lights, I remember the top of their Christmas tree looking so dark. 

Gram and Gramps went to a few stores looking for a new angel, but didn't find anything they liked.  So when Christmas Eve rolled around - which back then was when we had the big dinner at their home - the top of their tree remained dark.

I remember very clearly sitting on their living room sofa looking at the angel, wishing it would work for just one more Christmas - just for Grandpa's sake.. he worked so hard on it trying to fix it.  Within a few minutes, the angel's lights suddenly came on!  The angel remained illuminated for the rest of the night, but never worked again after that Christmas.

To this day I remember that moment as a Christmas miracle - a very simple miracle, but one that always comes to mind.  Some times it's the simple things that stay with us... I don't remember a single present I got the Christmas, but I do remember that angel giving us one more Christmas of light!