Tuesday, December 6, 2011

AAaahhhh chooooooo!

I think I am just recovering from the plague.  I have no idea what bug it was I caught, but the damn thing won't leave!  Today is the first day since Friday night that I can actually move around and get things done without needing to collapse and nap.  Thankfully I had enough sick time to call off this week and have tomorrow off to make sure I'm over this -- whatever it is.

Since Friday I've felt like "death warmed" over as the old adage goes.  My co-worker was just out with the flu, but we had different symptoms.  She had the type you can lose weight from (if you catch my drift) -- whereas I have been achy, weak, congested, coughing and a throat redder than the coals of Hell.  If this was a cold, it was a cold on steroids!!! 

When I woke up to go to Mass Sunday I saw I had an email on my phone from an old friend from my former parish.  She told me my best friend Anne (who is suffering from brain cancer) has had to move into a nursing home after suffering from a small stroke recently.  Despite being sick - I stopped in for a brief visit after Mass (I was able to regain my strength on the car ride from the city to NT).  I didn't get to close to her so as not to share the plague that had claimed me... but wanted to just say hello and let her know I am around.

It bothers me to see such a vital - charismatic - independent lady reduced to a wheel chair in a small nursing home room.  She tries to keep up her sense of humor - which has won her favor with the nurses and aids, but you can see the fire in her eyes has diminished greatly.  Still though, we manage to make each other laugh.

I miss our long talks into the wee hours of the morning over numerous pots of tea.  You know how some people just click and can talk for hours?  That's Anne and me.. and I always valued that time together.  Tea with her was always nice in and of itself aside from the conversation - real china cups and saucers - never a mere MUG.  "My mother would KILL me if she saw me serving guests tea in a mug!".  I always enjoyed the little extras - and she sure knew how to make anyone who walked into her house feel like a king or queen!

Once I've recovered fully, I'll get to baking my Christmas cookies and bring her some next time I visit.  It will be a good motivation to actually get the holiday baking done - I'm always in need of motivation these days!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Better to have loved and lost?

I know a few people who are going through some rough break ups right now.  I can see the pain they carry with them as they mourn the passing of this type of relationship in their lives.  I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to share with them to ease their heartache - but my heartache is caused by never experiencing a relationship at all.

Every Christmas I find myself wanting one thing only: someone to share my life with.  I used to jokingly tell people I'd written to Santa and asked for world peace and a boyfriend.  Neither ever came true.

Holidays are tough for me, I'll be honest.  Each day of the year I feel the loneliness - especially at the end of the day when it's just me... but holidays are the worst.

I've never experienced buying Christmas presents for someone I love (in that way) - or snuggling up together looking at the tree lights.  So many moments, feelings and metaphors expressed in Christmas songs are only known to me through characters in movies.

It's the worst time of year to lose someone you love - it's harder still for those of us who never have loved.