Wednesday, July 4, 2007

I'm getting old.

I remember turning 10, and everyone joking that I had entered the "double digits". It was so cool each birthday to get another year older, and move one step closer to being an adult. I used to wonder at what age it was that people didn't like the idea of getting older... I now know what that age is... 25.

On Saturday, July 7th.. at some time in the wee hours of the morning (my mom will remember the exact time), I will be turning 25. I'm going to be a quarter century old! Holy shit that sounds nuts doesn't it??

In the gay world, I might as well be dead. I totally missed out on being the hot "boi", or the skinny "twink". I just couldn't pull that off. The sexy college guy thing is pretty much over once you get to grad school... so now I'm just "old". Around 30 I might be able to pull off that slightly older cute guy thing... but I doubt it. Ha Ha!

"I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful. Oh, I've been beautiful, and God knows I've been young, but never the two have met." - Torch Song Trilogy

Nick and Jason are taking me to the Taste of Buffalo, and treating me to a sampling of local cuisine. After that will be "cake" at the house with my family, and then dinner at Bobby's. Yes, I have awesome friends!

I will miss Anne and Vince's birthday phone call where they both sing "Happy Birthday" to me over the phone. Their granddaughter is being buried the day before, and they will be in Texas. My heart is breaking for them. I wish I could call her to let her know I'm thinking about her, and send her some support.

This will also be my first birthday without any grandparents. I remember last year grandpa gave me an envelope with some money in it (they stopped cards years ago), and on the front wrote "Happy Birthday Mikey. Love Grams and Gramps"... he had still signed her name to it. I don't think there will ever be enough time to pass that I don't miss them just as much as they day they died.

As the day steadily approaches, I have been bitching a lot (me? Bitch?? naw....) about hitting the quarter century mark, and the fact I was still single. It eventually did dawn on me how truly fortunate I am. I am rather healthy, I have a job (even if it doesn't pay well, it is something and gives me insurance), I have a reliable car, a place to live, with some space of my own, a good family, and a handful of wonderful friends like Jason, Anne, and Bobby who are always there for me. I got through my under grad unscathed, and am progressing through grad school one step at a time. I might not be exactly where I had planned to be at 25 when I was in high school... but I can handle that.

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