Friday, July 13, 2007

Good on paper

One of my co-workers is going through a rough time with his ex girl friend. I hate it when people like this guy end up getting used, and their hearts stepped on, and it really seems this is what's going on. She is enjoying all the perks of having a boyfriend, with none of the commitment. He is optimistic they will get back together, I am skeptical. I guess this is my "Miranda" from Sex in the City talking again when she said something to the effect of: "I like to shake hands, part ways, and then act as if the other person doesn't exist." It's a good protection strategy, especially when you really cared for your "ex", and you know deep down they never felt that for you.

People always seem to be fumbling with whether or not someone is right for them. I get asked my opinion about this at work all the time. There is the old saying about people "looking right on paper". Why don't we all do that once in a while and sit down and spell out exactly what we are looking for? If you're someone like me who gets a boy friend once every blue moon in a leap year, you may forget what it is you're looking for. Oh, and do yourself a favor, don't write down physical expectations... I've surprised myself at some of the guy's my tongue has fallen out for.

I already concede I am attracted to the type of man I will never be able to hang onto. I always feel as if I'd be settling for someone when I meet the type of guys who seem to be interested in me. In fact, only twice in my life can I honestly say I was in LOVE with someone... and both were love at first sight. The first was someone I knew for a long time, and I would have given everything I had to be with him. All I can say about that is "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"! The second was someone I knew for a relatively short time. In both cases, love turned out to be a painful experience, and the wounds still sting on occasion.

I have to be honest with myself, I need a strong guy. I'm not talking JUST physically, (though I do prefer them same size or "larger" build than myself), but emotionally and mentally. In my family, I grew up quick. I was the strong one in many circumstances.. the care taker, the rock. I need someone who can walk on his own two feet, knows where he is going in life, has a purpose, and doesn't need me to lift him up all the time. A man with a backbone, a sense of humor, and a level of sarcasm that can keep up with mine. I need a guy that if I need to be a wreck for a while, will be there for ME, and give me the open arms when the time comes.

My family is very opinionated, and even judgmental. I need a guy who I don't have to worry will stroke out at a family event, or go running because someone was picking on him. He needs to be able to stand up for himself and be able to fire comments right back. A guy who will dance with me at a wedding and not worry if people are starring, or hold me at a funeral and not be afraid of what people will say.

Some how, I always end up with a following of men who are as big around their waste as I am around my pinkie finger... have airy voices, and swish when then walk. Are as fragile as fine porcelain, and lacking nerve. The young men who need a mentor, a guidance counselor, a therapist, someone to tell them what to do because life is too hard.. A teacher, not a partner.

Where is the guy that can equal my strengths and will, or even surpass it? The man who can keep up with my dry sense of humor, and cut me down when I need it instead of crying?

I'm thinking I have a long wait ahead of me.

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