Keeping Up Appearances

I have become a holiday hallmark for my store at Christmas time. The associates and even the shoppers ask "Where's Mike in his hat?". Even though I'm not quite in the mood, I couldn't let my fans down. I pulled the homo-clause aka Pimp Daddy Clause hat out of storage, and wear it every now and then... just to keep up appearances. It makes people smile, and I can usually get my co workers and even customers rolling with laughter.. and for me, that's an awesome thing.

Tree is up

Wednesday I decided to dig out all my Christmas decorations and start putting everything up. Last year, I had bought a new tree for the living room (I only use artificial). I needed something "thinner" for my small room, and I ended up getting a pre-lit tree. I always swore I'd never get a pre-lit, because I'd be afraid if the lights stop working, it would be a pain in the ass to get them off the tree to replace them. As I assembled the tree and started to plug everything in, I noticed that the top portion of the tree lights weren't working. I was pissed. It took me about twenty minutes of "twacking" each light bulb to figure out which one was loose. I cussed the tree out the whole time. Ugh. I have additional lights I put on the tree, so I still have the fun of stringing on the lights, and this way I can test the bulbs before they are put on the tree. Much easier that way.

For some reason, I just can't get into the holiday mood. I used to stay awake at night excited to haul out the seemingly magical decoration boxes, and begin to prepare for Christmas. This year, I had to walk away from the tree a few times because it was becoming a chore to do. When did this stuff become work?? I guess as time progresses, I start to wonder if it is all worth the effort. With my grandparents gone, that special something about Christmas has dwindled, and hasn't been replaced. Hardly anyone other than the occasional visit from Jason comes to visit me, so it's not like I can even show off the work. The dream of cuddling up in front of the tree with that special someone is dead, so I just keep asking myself, "why bother?".

I did my best to get it all up, and I did. It looks nice, but with no one to share it with.. it's just part of the background to me.

I have been looking for a new angel for the top of the tree though. I've had Ethel since I was in 7th grade, but I decided it was time for a change. I have been looking for a male angel for the top of my tree. I have decided that the female dominance of Christmas angels is rather sexist. Why shouldn't a guy be portrayed as angelic? So, I found a woman on ebay who makes lighted male angels.. so I'm waiting for her to get back to me with an estimate for one. If it's not out of my price range, I'll retire Ethel.

Maybe the Christmas spirit I had in the past will return to me when I have my own home, and can start my own tradition, independent of the dullness of my parents. Maybe not. I'm trying to stay as jolly as I can... but for now, Christmas day Mass is all that pulls me anymore. Perhaps that is a good thing.. the real meaning of Christmas.

Random

I did some more observations at the school I am student teaching in, and for the first time, I am starting to feel comfortable with it. I am getting to know the faculty better, and don't feel like a total stranger there. It's a nice feeling, and I'm actually a little excited about student teaching January 8th.

As part of my Reflective Inquiry Paper, appropriately referred to as RIP for short, I was able to interview an openly lesbian teacher from the High School. Her story was very inspiring for me, and the faculty there are very accepting of her.. which is great. The teacher's union just voted to extend insurance and benefits to same sex partners, which shocked the hell out of me. While there is still much work to be done, and many more closet doors to open, there are positive and gradual changes taking place that most people don't even notice.

It was a slow day at work tonight, so I decided to get out my cell phone and go down the list of names, and randomly text people just to say hello... as I always do. Like I need a reason to send a text message. Being really bored, I decided to send a text to my ex (oo.. that rhymed!) Jeff. I don't really keep in touch with him, but every great while I get the idea to send him a message. Why? I don't know. Somethings don't change, and before I knew it, my phone showed he was calling. I never knew how I got him to do it, or maybe it's just his thing, but most times I would text him, he'd call back instead of texting a reply. My friends know I prefer the text message, and most times I have nothing to say other that "HI", "Dork", or just a smiley face. It was odd to hear his voice on the phone.. we hadn't verbally spoke since around June, I believe. I really shouldn't have bothered, but boredom makes me do weird things.

Just Because

I just needed a good laugh today. :)

Free to a Good Home

For those of you who were wondering, or perhaps had placed bets in the "ain't gonna happen" pool, Jeremy and I decided to do the "just friends thing". It was not a big deal to me, and I echoed all the reasons he gave, so we were both on the same page. He's an awesome guy, and it's a shame it won't head in the dating direction. It was nice to think, if only for a while, that the relationship thing was possible for me after all.

I miss my dog.

I have always put a few plush toys on my Christmas tree. Some toys I've had since I was a kid, a goofy plush owl or two I find at the stores, and of course my statue of liberty SNOOPY. They make for nice filler in bald spots of the tree as they can just rest on top of the branches. I wanted to get some kind of ornament as a tribute to Toby. I looked at a few golden retriever ornaments.. some even with angel wings, but didn't see anything I liked. Finally, I stumbled upon a plush Golden retriever puppy. I almost cried when I saw it.. it looked just like Toby when we he was a puppy. The same sad eyes, that black nose, the red streak in his still blond fur, and the way he would lay down with his back legs sticking out. I ordered it instantly.. with a tear in my eye when I did.

I miss him SOOOOO much these days. His absence is hitting me more now then when it initially happened. Not sure why, but there it is.

Is the semester over yet?

The days seem to pass by in one big blur, and all of a sudden it's Sunday again. My weekdays tend to be so damn busy that it feels like playing a game of monopoly where the other player has a whole side of the board filled with hotels. You just want to roll the dice and hope to skip past everything and land in the safe zone.. which for me is Sunday.

I had to give a mini lesson in my methods class on Thursday which had me sick to my stomach all day. I have taught lessons before to people of all ages, done public reading, and have no problem with public speaking.. in fact, I quite enjoy an audience, but this is different. When you are presenting material to a room full of people who know just as much, if not more than you on the subject, and are being graded, it can be quite overwhelming. I thought I did terrible, but I got high praise from the class. We have all admitted that presenting in front of our subject area peers is scary for just the reasons I mentioned, so we tend to over look to obvious jitters.

My presentation had to be in note taking/discussion format, so I chose to use the chalkboard over power point or overhead. I surprisingly was complimented by numerous other students, and the instructor about my chalkboard abilities. Apparently, I have awesome handwriting. When they told me that, I turned and scratched my head. It looked horrible to me. In addition to the nice handwriting, I was told I have that teacher "look". My friend Andy came to class late, after I was presenting my lesson, and he told me that for the first minute or so, he thought another professor was speaking to the class. I guess I look the part. I'll take the compliments.. they off set my nervousness about being a total flop as a teacher.. a little.

I'm still missing Toby quite a bit, and always think I hear him upstairs. It's hard not having a dog around. I've had one for 13 years, now all of a sudden, he's not there. The house just feels empty now. I miss the ole bean.

Halloween 2007

I worked a short shift Halloween morning. Not many associates were planning on wearing a costume, so I figured I'd just wear a wizard's hat. So much has changed over the years at work, less and less people getting into the spirit and dressing up. A lot of it has to do with the customers I think.. they are so cranky and down right rude. Doesn't pay to try and have fun. As you can see from the pic, Krissy and I tried to stay in the Halloween spirit.

This was the first year I didn't carve a pumpkin. I simply didn't have the time, and to be honest, I didn't have the money either. I was happy when Kristy brought home a pumpkin she carved with her boyfriend Jim... at least there would be a jack-o-lantern lit on our porch Halloween night.. even if it wasn't mine.

Jeremy and I decided to get together for dinner, so I opted to skip my evening class. My whole life revolves around school and work, so when the opportunity presented itself to have a little fun, I went for it. I work hard, I deserved the "mental health" day. LOL

We ended up getting Chinese food, and rented The Messengers from Blockbuster. Not a bad movie, but not great either. I was a little disappointed at the ending. It was much more fun going to get the movie, watching Jeremy dance in the car to some Christmas CD he bought, as some big jock walked by just staring at him through the windshield. He's such a dork.

Jeremy was such a schmuck when it came to giving the candy out the the kids. I relieved him from his duty, and gave the candy out myself. I like to talk to the kids, joke with them, and compliment their costumes. I try to get all into stuff like that, and kids are pretty fun.. when they aren't mine.

I enjoyed spending the time with Jeremy, and like hanging out with him. He's an uber nerd.. even more so than I am, which makes for a good laugh. :)