Every now and then I wonder how I would have done if I went to school to be a therapist. I have always enjoyed talking with people, both at work and in my personal life they seem very comfortable coming to me with their problems.. and thankfully, I have some close friends whom I can go to with mine.
It fascinates me how much our minds, hearts, and moods are effected by the world around us. Smells, memories, conversations, our diets, even the amount of sunlight that touches our skin affects our mood and metal outlook. I have known for quite a number of years that I suffer from clinical depression, as it runs in both sides of my family.. and thank God for modern medicine, it can be controlled rather well. Unfortunately, seasonal depression takes its toll on me.. and as always, January is a rough month.
The stress of the holidays, going back to school, a new course load and new expectations, allergies and sickness, lack of a partner, and even the lack of sunshine all seem to help make January a miserable month for me. Sleeping at night is difficult, and when I finally do fall asleep, my dreams become nightmares... playing on my fears of failure and being alone. I wake up more exhausted and stressed than when I laid my head on the pillow.
Once I adjust to the new schedule and develop more confidence in my teaching abilities, I will slowly pull out of this slump. The lack of a partner.. well, that can't be helped. I have met some interesting and kind guys over the past few months, even this past week. While they are each good men, the connection just doesn't seem to be there.. I'm an odd one, and finding someone that is compatible enough.. well, that's not always easy. The whole "dating" thing can get rather messy anyway. I've had my heart broken more than once before, so I am now overly cautious about guarding my own heart, and trying to protect others from the same fate.
Well.. I feel a wee bit better to have vented... not a whole lot, but a bit.