Thursday, September 27, 2007


The day Toby died, I ended up throwing my back out. No, I wasn't doing any heavy lifting.. unless you count lifting my fat ass off the sofa. I stood up, then fell right to the floor. THUMP! I laid there not being able to move, thinking to myself, "This is great, I have work later today, and observations (field experience) starts this week.". Neither of which gives me much wiggle room for rescheduling.. if any.

This morning I was in the bathroom getting ready for a shower when it happened again.. I locked right up and fell to the floor. I was in so much pain I didn't think I would be able to make it to my first observation session at my liaison school.... which would have been a HUGE issue. I managed to shower and get changed, though the car ride was uncomfortable. I almost got into a car accident on the way to the school I am working at when my back locked up, causing shooting pains to travel down to my legs.. I couldn't operate the pedals, and could barely turn the steering wheel. Thanks God I was able to pull over into a hazard lane, and drift for a while until I could regain complete control of the car. Getting OUT of the car was a nightmare. I spent most of my morning observation sessions standing, and I did not go into my 6 hour evening class at UB.

I went to the chiropractor, and he wasn't too thrilled with how I was able to react to the tests he gave. Basically, my lumbar region is shot for the time being, and I need to wear a brace. I went for x-rays, and have to go back for a follow up appointment on Saturday. I just hope I am still able to function and continue with my field work, as well as other classes. It could be worse.

Life without Toby around is very odd. I instinctively look for him when I come home, and really feel the absence of his greeting. When I go to leave, I can almost catch his silhouette at the top of the stairs where he would normally be laying out the corner of my eye. Sometimes I think I can hear him walking around upstairs for a brief moment.. and then it dawns on me he's gone. For the first time in a few years I slept with my door closed. I would close it at night (to keep family out), then remember to open before bed just in case Toby had to go outside.. he knew to come downstairs to wake me when he had to go out. Funny thing was, I would wake up out of a sound sleep before he even made it down to my floor.. we had a connection. There was no longer the need to keep my door open for him... at that moment I felt so alone.

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