Christmas is coming....

I can't believe how quickly time is going.  Today is already the fourth Sunday of Advent.. so light the third purple candle.. the final candle on the Advent wreath.

Though I've had my Christmas decorations up for a while, I have not been in the Christmas spirit.  Working retail one is bombarded with negative people.. yelling and fighting over items being in stock, their orders not in on time, etc.  I come home exhausted and find myself waiting for the season to be over.

This is not to say I'm anti-Christmas.  On the contrary.. I am very much looking forward to the celebration of Christmas morning Mass... the ringing of the bells at the return of the Gloria being sung once again.  I'm just over the whole commercial aspect of the holiday.  Trees are great.. gifts are great.. but when people forget the humble origins of Christmas, the holiday becomes nothing more than an excuse to go into debt.

I have included a picture of my modest Christmas tree.  I didn't have the desire or energy to drag out my usual artificial tree (real trees are too expensive for me) -- assemble it, decorate it.. and eventually pack the whole thing up.  I went out in search of an easy tree.

I found the perfect "Charlie Brown" tree at a local nursery.  I always loved the sparse trees that no one else could possible love.  So when I saw this 5 1/2 odd ball, I had to take it home.  The sales lady was a bit surprised... she had no idea what someone would do with such a tree.

Once decorated, like Charlie Brown's little tree.. it looks quite nice.  I love how the ornaments really stand out.. and believe it or not, it holds ALL the ornaments I put on my fat 7ft tree. - AND, it only take two minutes to assemble and disassemble.  No fuss tree!

For those who are fans of Victorian style Christmases, you will recognize this tree as a "feather tree".. the first style of artificial trees available.. originally made out of goose feathers on wooden dowels. Other people though may think of the line from the famous "Christmas Story" movie:  "It looks like it was made of... green pipe cleaner!".  My favorite comment came from my godson Gavin, who when seeing the picture of facebook said it looks like a twig.  So there it is, my Christmas "twig".

You may note the nativity set - it belonged to my Grandparents.  They purchased it their first Christmas together back in 1953, and it was under their tree ever since.  I am a strict believer though that baby Jesus does not get put into the crib until Christmas morning.  In a time when Christmas decorations go up in November, I think it's important to remember that the real joy of Christmas comes when we mark the birth of the Word made Flesh.

While I try to keep up with my baking and finish my shopping.. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas -- and want you to remember that despite the glitz and glamour this holiday may offer... it all started with a poor child born in a stable... laid to rest where animals feed.  "Keep Christ in Christmas!"  :)

Gaudete!

Today is the third Sunday of Advent - also known as Gaudete Sunday.  It is named after the first word of today's Intoit prayer: Gaudete in Domino semper: iterum dico, gaudete: modestia vestra nota sit omnibus hominibus: Dominus prope est. (Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice! The Lord is near.  Philippians 4:4-5).  


Today is one of two days in the year where the color of the vestments used at Mass may be Rose colored.  Note I said rose and not pink.  The idea of using Rose vestments is to show on this Sunday the excitement we feel in our hearts at the coming of the Lord.  As it says in the words of the Introit, we Rejoice in the Lord always.  Rose is a color between the Advent color of purple (penance and waiting) and the Christmas color of white.. a sign that our waiting is almost at an end.  We know the Lord is coming.


As the color of the candles on our Advent wreath reflect the liturgical colors of the season, we light the rose colored candle today.  Some people mistakenly light the rose colored candle on the last Sunday of Advent... now you are in the know and can correct such Liturgical faux pas.  :)

Like many of you, I have been busy writing out and sending Christmas cards.  I enjoy this practice, except for the high cost of stamps.  I look forward to sending and receiving cards and the small notes and letters that sometimes accompany them.  They also make for great decorations!


I've noticed a trend though among people I have exchanged cards with in the past.  I try to be very sensitive to the beliefs of my family and friends.  I wish my Jewish friends a Happy Hanukkah (even though I am not Jewish), send out Religious Cards to my friends and family who are practicing Christians, and have the secular "holiday" cards for those who are not "religious", but still enjoy a secular version of the holiday season.  After all, my mind set is not to use this holiday to push my beliefs down people's throats -- that would be counter productive.. but to join them in a sense of joy and celebration.


This sentiment has not been reciprocated.


Every year, people still insist on writing within cards or in Facebook messages: "Merry Xmas!".  I do not celebrate "Xmas".. I celebrate Christmas.  I can't stand this abbreviation.  Though it may have started out as a Christian abbreviation for Christmas, using the Greek letter X to represent the first letter in Christ's name (in the old Greek spelling), it has now been used to take Christ out of Christmas, and make it purely a commercial and secular holiday.


My friends know how I feel, and yet they still can't bring themselves to wish me, a practicing Catholic, a Merry CHRISTmas.  Now, when I see "Xmas" written somewhere, I have taken to putting a "P" on top of the "X"... to make the Greek symbol of Christ's name known as the "chi-rho".  

Oh well... I'm still Rejoicing today.. still writing CHRISTmas cards and trying to gear up for the baking that I will soon be doing.   :)

Happy Liturgical New Year!

The first Sunday of Advent marks the beginning of a new year on the Church's Liturgical calendar.  We light the first candle on the Advent wreath, which counts the number of Sundays until the Feast of the Nativity of Our Lord (Christmas Day). 

There are debates about the origins of the Advent wreath.. some say it is a German Lutheran tradition, some argue a German Catholic tradition.  Personally, it makes no difference to me.  Lutherans share some Liturgical similarities with Catholics, so it would be natural for our two traditions to share this symbol of Advent.

Originally, it is said, the colors of the candles on the wreath were all red.  This practice is still maintained in Germany... and even the Holy Father's Advent wreath used all red candles last year (he being from Bavaria).  It was some time later that the candles of the wreath corresponded to the liturgical colors of the Sundays of Advent to bring an even closer association of the holiday symbols with the Mass.

The first candle that we lit this Sunday corresponds to the Liturgical vestments of purple, the color of penance as well as royalty to welcome the coming of the King.  The purple reminds us to prepare ourselves through prayer and penance to make our souls ready not only for the celebration of the birth of Christ, but His second coming at the end of time.

Need a little Christmas NOW!

Work has been getting to me lately.  I've been working at the big W full time and though it helps on pay day, it takes its toll on my nerves.  People are just so nasty and rude... it really wears one down.

So like the song says, "I need a little Christmas now...".  So I decided I would "haul out the holly" and "put up the tree before my spirits fall again."

I do have a full size tree in the sitting room on my TINY - micro apartment within my parent's home, but I had always loved the old aluminum trees from the 1950s and 1960s.  I would never want one as my only tree, but there is just something about them I always liked.

This year, while visiting a local nursery famous for their Christmas decor, I came across a 3ft aluminum style Christmas tree that I went nuts for.  I have seen many silver trees over the years, but they don't have the sparse look of the original style aluminum trees (and yes, they were aluminum.. made out of aluminum foil).  When I saw this little silver gem.. I had to bring it home with me.  I always loved the Charlie Brown trees.

The problem was: where to put it?  It ended up finding a home in my bedroom... where I spend a lot of my time lately at my desk.  I decided to put it up now and decorate it since I needed a little holiday boost.  It turned out rather nice if you ask me... shining in all it's silver glory.

Also, when I got home from work... tired and cranky from a long day in retail Hell... I noticed a red light coming from my sitting room window.  Puzzled, I looked in the window, and there... on the shelf.. was a Santa "head" that I had liked from a recent QVC show selling retro inspired Christmas decorations.  My Mom had bought it for me as a surprise, and left it on a shelf in the sitting room lit up.

Again, it's so odd looking it's cute.  The large sized light bulb nose is so ridiculous it makes me laugh just looking at it.  My Dad and I refer to it as the "red light district Santa" for obvious reasons.

This little surprise made my day!!!

"For I've grown a little leaner (I wish!!!), grown a little colder.. grown a little sadder.. grown a little older. And I need a little angel.. sitting on my shoulder... I need a little Christmas NOW!"

Rainbow Sash Group???

There are groups of protesters advocating for greater acceptance of gays and lesbians in Christian Churches known as "The Rainbow Sash Movement".  Usually, they attempt to receive Communion during a Catholic Mass while wearing a bold rainbow sash - making a political statement and protest during the Mass. (Their focus seems to be aimed primarily at Catholics, though I have seen articles where members have appeared at various other Christian denominational services)

Personally I find this very inappropriate and in poor taste.

For anyone who knows me well or has read this blog, they will tell you I am all about equal rights for gays and lesbians, and it is my constant prayer intention for full inclusion and acceptance within mainstream Christianity one day -- being accepted as children of God as He created us.  That being said, if you have a statement to make, you do not do it during a Mass, Liturgy or Service.  That is just rude and in poor taste.  You not only distract from the focus of the service -- which is to worship GOD (not YOU), but you disrupt the prayers and meditation of the people there.  That is wrong.

Groups like the Human Rights Campaign constantly complain about Churches voicing their opinions about Homosexuality publicly, and scream about the separation of Church and State.  I find it very ironic then, that some members of a group like this would find it appropriate to bring the state into the Church.

It surprises me that grown people in both camps - gay activists AND Church officials can often act like such children -- fighting each other in the school yard.  Neither group is very good at respecting the other despite their different beliefs.  Ever heard of agree to disagree??  How about lead by example?

Church goers could try behaving like Christians and treat others with love - and political activists could respect other people's beliefs and stop trying to force their views upon others.

It breaks my heart to not be fully accepted as a gay Christian in some Churches, but it makes me equally as sad when my fellow brothers and sisters attack the Churches in such ways.  When will either side learn?

Gay Christians can make more of an impact by living the Gospel, being a witness of Christ's love and acceptance, and praying for change more than they will ever make by protesting during a service or Mass.  The protesters that do it just to make a point (and are not "religious") - just stay home and do your work in the civil arena where it belongs.

Soap box speech done.

It Gets Better

Yesterday I joined countless people around the country in wearing purple clothing or a purple ribbon to remember those gay people who have committed suicide due to bullying.  There have been numerous reports in the media of college aged students giving into the hate and discrimination - feeling there is no hope left for them in life - and seeing death as their only solice.

On Tuesday, just before we were to stand up against this type of bullying, another brother, a 19 year old student from Oakland University, succumbed to suicide.

I wanted to share a bit of my own story of struggle growing up as a gay individual in a world that often times seemed so cold and indifferent.

After growing up in a small Catholic grade school (which I loved), I found myself thrown into a sea of chaos at the local public High School.  I wanted so much to continue my education in a Catholic institution, but my parents simply could not afford the high cost of tuition.  So, I went to school at the local High School where my older brother was already a student.  Not having grown up in the local public schools, I knew very few students, as most of my friends had transferred to local Catholic High Schools.

I didn't fit in at all, at least not right away.  Being a freshman is hard enough, but I was seriously over weight, an actual practicing Catholic (which garnered a lot of criticism from the secularistic ideals of the students - and ostracised me from most of the Protestant Christian students), and was also some what shy.

I did my best to fit in, but it seemed like a futile attempt.  I had few friends who knew me, had no idea of what types of clothes to wear (I missed the safety of a uniform), and also struggled internally with the fear that this attraction I had to members of the same sex.. the attraction I had assured myself was just a phase.. would not go away.

High School can be a sea of hormones, young men and women coming to terms with their sexual identities and feelings, and exploring those feelings with one another.  Most kids start pairing up and dating - talking openly about their feelings with each other.  I, like so many other gay and lesbian youth, kept everything bottled up inside.  It was already bad enough to be labeled a "homo" or a "fag" just as a general insult, but what if they found out I really WAS gay?

Eventually, by the end of my freshman year, and certainly into my sophomore year, I began to find my own clique of friends and secure my own identity.  My sense of humor and ability to make other people laugh made for a good defense and safety device.  Keep them laughing and they won't hurt you was how I lived.  It's still a defense mechanism, and has helped me develop into a fine tuned "smart ass" - only now I have discovered I am so good at keeping people at arms length, it is hard to let my guard down and accept them into my life.

It seems kids just know when someone else is different, even if that person doesn't admit it.  I tried dating a girl, but it only lasted a week.  I found it too disturbing and was very uncomfortable with the idea.  It was hard for me to connect with other male students - aside from the awkward attraction I felt towards them, I had little in common with them - not being the least bit interested in sports, or girls.

Then, as now, anything bad was labeled as "gay".  "That's so gay", "he's a homo", "that fag" were all expressions I heard on a daily basis.  It scared the Hell out of me and caused me to bury my feelings further and further inside of me.. hoping they would eventually go away.  Others minorities didn't have to suffer in silence - if a derogatory remark was made against women, blacks, the Eastern European students we had - anyone.. teachers were all over them.  Gay remarks however seemed to pass mostly unnoticed or ignored.  In gym class, I think they were even completely accepted by some of the coaches.

At times the suppression of my feelings, the lack of an outlet to express them, my perceived guilt for being "wrong", "dirty" or "immoral" would come to a peak.  I would plunge into deep depression, not knowing where to go, who to turn to.  I couldn't talk to my pastor, I couldn't tell my parents, my older brother already teased me to no end, school friends would not understand (they might even spread it around).  I felt so damned alone.

I remember so clearly, kneeling next to my bed at night, praying my rosary with such intensity that the beads would leave imprints in my hands and fingers from holding them so tightly.  I prayed that God would take the feeling away from me.. make me "normal".. make me "straight".  This experience contributes to my loathing of the fundamentalist Christian "pray the gay away" "ministries".  Believe me, if all we had to do was ask to be "changed", I asked enough for hundreds of gays and lesbians.

I gradually started to "come out" to close friends and faculty.  They gave me the outlet I needed to unburden myself of the secret that had been burning inside me.  Then (the late 90's) shows like Will and Grace had just started to come into existence, giving gay and lesbian people across the country a small affirmation of themselves on the screen.  I caught the show once in a while.. in secret, when I knew no one would be able to see what I was watching.  It might have provoked them to ask questions.  If someone did walk in while I was watching Will and Grace, I quickly changed the channel.

For me, my High School years were not the happiest years of my life.  I still have nightmares about being back there... even as a teacher, I have felt uncomfortable working in High School classrooms, remembering and feeling all to clearly the anxiety I felt those four years I was in school.

Life got so much better in college.  It offered a more diverse group of students and faculty where young adults felt more comfortable to openly express who they were.  I met some great friends and began to embrace who I was as a gift, not a curse... and delved into my major (History) where I was able to learn about societal attitudes towards gays and lesbians over the centuries.  The sense of isolation began to melt away as I met new people and learned new ideas beyond the standard history, sociology and psychology of the High School classroom.

My faith and sexual orientation took a bit longer to reconcile, and I have written about it here in my blogs in earlier entries.  One night, I felt so bogged down by all the scripture verses that were being thrown at me, and again I began to pray.  I asked God to speak to me, and make His message clear.  Was I being sinful for following through with the strong feelings I had had my whole life?  I turned on the tv and began flipping through the channels.  I stumbled across a movie called Door to Door about a salesman in the 50's who builds a successful career despite his physical handicap. In one scene, the salesman's young, fundamentalist female assistant finally realizes that two men on the sales route aren't just old roommates, but partners.  When she realizes this, she shakes her head in disgust, saying how wrong it was, and against the Bible.  The salesman said something to her that I will never forget.  "God doesn't make mistakes... He knows what He is doing."  There it was.. my answer.

In my 10 years since High School, I have grown so much stronger, mentally and spiritually.  I'm no longer afraid to be myself, and have long given up changing pronouns or omitting things that "others" might find offensive.  I speak about my feelings and experiences just as any heterosexual person would.  I find great spiritual nourishment in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, just as I always have.. though now I am an advocate of our richer and more traditional style liturgy, choosing to focus on the prayer life of the Church (after all, there is nothing anti-gay in the Mass) rather than the politics of the Church.  God is the judge of all, not any one person - religious official or otherwise.

I earned my bachelor's degree in History, doing a lot of private studying on gay and lesbian topics, which I continue to read about independently.  I recently earned my Masters degree in Social Studies Education, and do my best as a substitute teacher to correct students when they comment "that's so gay", and take a moment to share with them how wrong it is to put down a whole group of people so blindly.  I try to share my views and opinions with fellow educators who teach full time to help them be aware of gay bullying in their classrooms, and have been encouraged to see the number of faculty and staff who take the time to let their students know that such comments are not acceptable.

It's not an easy path, but it does get easier.  There's nothing wrong with you.. nothing that needs to be "fixed".  You're beautiful just the way you are.  We are all made in the image and likeness of God.. and He does not make mistakes.

Know that you are loved - gay or straight - you are loved.

Memorias Defunctorum

"Memorias Defunctorum" - Remember the Dead.


The month of October brings with it all sorts of creepy symbolism that to our 21st century mind is nothing more than indulging in our love of horror films.  In actuality, the symbolism of tombstones, skeletons and ghosts goes back to the practice of remembering our deceased brothers and sisters... and a reminder to ourselves that we too will die.


To read an earlier post I made giving a brief history of Halloween, click here.


Putting up the Halloween decorations, I kept thinking of my maternal Grandmother, who used to take my older brother and I to the local Hills department store every October for their annual "pumpkin hunt".  They would scatter piles of hay, and hide little plastic pumpkins within the hay... containing candy... and even a few with certificates for store merchandise.  It was like the Halloween version of an egg hunt.  My brother and I loved this annual tradition, and it still makes me smile thinking of going there with Grams -- then off to McDonald's for lunch -- a Happy Meal served in a plastic Halloween bucket.  Anyone remember those?

Thinking so much of Grams, I lit a candle in her honor and for the repose of her soul.  Doing this made me think of another tradition from my youth, this one coming from my first grade teacher, Sister M. Dorothy F.S.S.J.

In my former parish of St. Joe's (now closed), the founding pastor of the parish was given the honor of being buried in front of the Church he helped to build.  Every so often, Sister would take us on "field trips" to the grave site to pray for Father. 

In such a sterile world where we don't "like" to think of death, it seems like an odd custom.  Sister Dorothy was from a different school of thought however, one that encouraged the living to remember those who had gone before us.. to pray for "the souls of the faithful departed".

I decided to light another candle.  This one for the souls who had no one left on Earth to remember them.  This is another aspect of the Catholic faith that has been increasingly swept under the carpet.  It's a beautiful sentiment, to take time to remember those who perhaps have no one left to carry on their memories.  Remember praying for the poor souls in Purgatory??  Yea.. that's becoming "obsolete" too.  

Ironic.. so many "religion" classes teach nothing more about our faith than "community"... yet we have forgotten to include those community members who have gone before us.

While I have certainly hopped on my religion soap box, again lamenting the laziness and secularist tendencies of modern day Catholics.. I assure you there is a reason for my rant.


Regardless of your own spiritual belief system, there are people out there who volunteer to "adopt a gave" at their local cemeteries.  I think this is an awesome practice of human compassion and historical preservation.
  
Every time I go to a cemetery I find a grave stone that is being overwhelmed by vegetation and un-cared for.  Perhaps that person was the last of their family, perhaps no one else lives in the area, or perhaps the grave is so old, there is no one left to remember that person.  Pick a grave or two and help take care of it if you have noticed no one else is doing so.  Give respect once again to the name of the person on the marker.


One day it will be our turn - who will remember us?