Update in a nutshell

Since I don't have much time to type out detailed entries, here is a run down of events from my life....

- My best friend from high school, Jacqui was married two weekends ago. I had to take my SISTER as my date... but still had a good time. Met her gay friend Paul and his bf Tom. We had a BLAST. Made me feel a bit lonely, but hopeful at the same time.. after all, they were able to find each other, I'm sure I'll find someone too.... eventually. Though I have to admit, I kept staring at Paul... he's so geeky cute with an awesome personality and sense of humor. sigh.

- Two days after the wedding, Jacqui ended up in the hospital for a week. Doctors think she may have a small blood clot in her brain. She lost her memory for a while, and he speech... which is now slowly coming back.

- My Aunt Karen (who has parkinsonism disease) has been in the hospital for over a month now. Because he condition has become so severe, she will not be able to return home, but will have to live out her days in some sort of medical facility. The neurologist said she will probably not live to see another 12 months. She's in her early 50's.

- Student teaching is kicking my ass. I'm working very hard, and am quite exhausted. I have received a stellar evaluation from my co-operating teacher, but I'm not making much headway with my honors students. Most of them spend the class trying to see what they can get away with, and challenge my every decision. I want to be equipped with a cattle prod. Seriously.

- I'm on "vacation" next week. No school! I can't F***** wait. No plans other than working on lesson plans, but at least I can sleep past 5:45am.

- Loneliness is setting in big time lately. Friends are great, and I'm lucky to have the ones I do in my life, but Jacqui's wedding hit me hard. She was my prom date, then the next year, I was hers. So many of my friends from high school are married or in a long term relationship. In fact, I am one of the only singles left in my circle of friends.. and have been for some time. It hurts, and it's lonely to be the third wheel all the time.. or to not have someone there when the going gets tough. I will learn to accept the fact I am a perpetual bachelor... but it hasn't set in yet. The hardest thing... people coming up to me and asking "Are you seeing anyone yet?". It's embarrassing to say "no" all the time.

Sigh

It's been a rough week. I am holding my own at my new placement, but it's a completely different experience. The faculty at this school are so isolated from one another.. and student teachers are seen as more of a nuisance than visitors. My co-operating teacher is very hands-off, which is nice, but our styles are very different. That makes it difficult for the students in transitioning from one teacher to another.. I've already hit some resistance with the seniors I'm teaching who have a bad case of senior-itas.

My Aunt Karen is not doing well at all, and is now going through with a long overdue divorce from her ass hole of a husband. She is going to be released from the hospital soon, but was told by her husband she is not allowed to come home. He told the doctors he won't care for her, that he "can't" care for her.. even with in home nursing care. She is on her own. For a time, it looked as if she was going to move in here, but it has finally become clear to my mom and family that this will not be the place for her to stay. We cannot take care of her, even with the nursing staff. My mom is now faced with the tough task of finding a nursing facility to relocate her to.

I am so exhausted, and don't have the energy to do much more than sleep and lay on the couch. I have notes to finish up for my class on Thursday, but I keep putting it off. Little if any ambition.

Yesterday was my good friend Jacqui's wedding. My sister Kristy went with me. Would have been better if I had a real date with me, but we still had a blast. We sat with some of Jacqui's other gay friends, and friends from high school. What a good time... we all got pretty hammered, and were out dancing, laughing, and loving life. I needed it!! One of the guys at the table, Paul is pretty damn hot, and has such a great and outgoing personality. Unfortunately, he's taken. His boyfriend Tom is a good guy too.... proving that all the good guys are taken.

Fun with Family

I love my sister in law. :)

YaY!!!

I passed another state certification exam!!! Two down, one more to go. I saved the hardest for last.. the Content Specialist Test (CST). I'll be taking it in May.

Saying Goodbye

Wednesday was my last day at my the school I have been working in for the past eight weeks. It was very hard for me to say goodbye to all my students, and to the faculty and staff that have been wonderful friends and colleagues to me during my stay there.

The students brought food and threw a party for me in each of my classes. They passed around cards and signed them... which meant a lot to me. We took class photos, and enjoyed our last day together. I have to admit, I did tear up a bit. My 11th graders even invited me back to help them review for their regents exam in June.

The teachers bought bagels for the office in my honor, and my co-operating teacher gave me a beautiful picture book on the wonders of the world, with a kind inscription from her on the back cover. Another teacher with whom I become good friends with gave me a mug for teachers with a nice inspirational quote on it.

While it was very difficult in the beginning.. I will miss working there very much. It was a real family environment, one I adapted to quickly. I ended up staying in the school until a little after 5pm correcting papers from a project I had assigned. I didn't want to leave it for my cooperating teacher to deal with. As I left and turned out the lights to "my" classroom, I took one last look around the room in which I had my first REAL teaching experience. I shook my head and closed the door.... It's not easy, and I don't know what the future holds in terms of employment, but I know in my heart, this is what I was meant to do.

"Wow" Factor

I was talking with some of the other Social Studies teachers in the department today about dating. One of them went on a date this weekend, and I wanted to see how it went. She was rather blah about the whole thing, and although she said she liked him, and they were getting together again soon, there were no fireworks. This would be what Mrs. W. calls the "Wow" factor.

Apparently, the Wow factor is that part of you that really wants to be with this person, and is what makes you keep thinking about them even when they aren't there. Something just clicks inside of your heart and mind. Curious. Does the Wow factor have to be there immediately, or is it supposed to grow over time?? The consensus from the ladies in the department is that it needs to be there from the onset.

I have met quite a few guys since the Christmas holiday. Very rarely has the Wow factor kicked in. When it does, it's usually for the guys who aren't interested in me, or after getting to know them better, I discover they aren't exactly what I am looking for. I was kind of hoping the Wow factor would develop over time, but maybe if it isn't there from the start, it never will be.

I'm always afraid of hurting someone else or leading someone on.. so I play it safe and just step aside.

Damn note passers

Wednesday, I intercepted my first note as a teacher, during period 8. I knew the kids were up to something because they were more chatty than normal, and kept looking at me and then giggling. It was making me so mad.. I had no idea what was causing so much commotion, and what was so funny about me... I even checked my fly just in case. Each time I’d turn my back to the class to jot something down on the board, they would start to snicker.

Finally, I caught one of the students in the act of passing a note. I went over and told him to hand the note over. Twice he refused to let me have it. I gave him the option of giving me the note, or getting out of my class. He reluctantly handed it over. I unfolded the piece of paper to see what was so funny.. mostly because I was curious if it was about me… which it was. The note read, “Wednesday is Mr. L’s last day. Mrs. E wants to do something nice for him. Don’t let him see this note. If he tries to take it from you, tear it up and eat it!”. I must have turned three shades of red. The students who hadn’t seen the note yet suggested I read it aloud. I had no intentions of sharing the content of the note, but since I found it so funny, I did read it.

Mrs. E was out in the hallway laughing the whole time. To think, she was encouraging my students to pass notes in my class! I told the class that if they wanted to do something nice for me, to get me a bottle of Advil as they give me a headache each day. Some how, I couldn't get as aggravated with them after that moment.