Went to the fire house after work yesterday to visit Jeff. We had dinner together, sampling pizza from a nearby pizza place that opened up... good food. I had a LONG shift at work, starting at 11am and ending at 8pm. I was beat when I got home, but wasn't going to pass up spending some time with Jeff.
I got to meet some of his friends from the fire department. I enjoyed chatting with them, and they had me rolling with laughter. They seem like great people.
I went with Jeff to his house to let his dog Rufus out. This dog is PSYCHO! He was bouncing and running all over the place... a white blurr. He's part boxer and part bull dog... cute combination!! He's cute as hell, but crazy as a loon... we shall get along just fine. =-P
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Friday, February 9, 2007
Auto Show
Went with Jeff to the Western New York Auto Show at the Buffalo Convention Center. Met up with a friend of his there, and took a look at what the various car manufacturers have to offer. It was my first time there, and pretty neat. The downside is that I left there REALLY wanting to a buy a new car.
Jeff took a look at some new trucks... must be a firefighter thing. I liked the Chevy Silverado... huge ass truck. Wouldn't mind going for a ride in it, but I'd definitely do major damage to whatever was around me if I ever drove it. There was a Jeep there he was looking at too... a little easier to handle. I got in a Hummer just to see what all the fuss was about.. I still don't get it.
I dragged Jeff over to see the Buick models, as well as Cadillac. The Buick Lucerne is a really nice looking car... I was quite impressed with it, and it lives up to its motto: "Not your father's Buick". I also liked the Cadillac DTS. Finally, Cadillac makes a car I could picture myself driving again... which hasn't been the case since they redesigned their cars in 2000, dropping the D'Elegance look. Anyway, the Cadillac wasn't THAT different from the Lucerne that would make me want to spend the extra $10,000 - $20,000 on.... not that I have ANY money to be pondering new cars anyway.
Poor Jeff survived looking at my Granny cars, and I managed to not scare him off (yet) despite me taste for full size luxury sedans. Mmmmm... leather.....
He was introduced to my parents. Dad didn't say anything, which meant he liked him, because if Dad didn't like him.. then I would have heard about it. Mom asked a lot of questions about him, but summed up her feelings by saying "He seems normal." Toby loved him, and as far as he is concerned, he's a keeper. Toby's opinion is the one that matters so........
I have been tinkering with my bio lab which is due Tuesday. I want to pull my hair out!! I had to e-mail the professor for some clarification, and hope he gets back to me ASAP. Ugh.. I need a vacation.
Jeff took a look at some new trucks... must be a firefighter thing. I liked the Chevy Silverado... huge ass truck. Wouldn't mind going for a ride in it, but I'd definitely do major damage to whatever was around me if I ever drove it. There was a Jeep there he was looking at too... a little easier to handle. I got in a Hummer just to see what all the fuss was about.. I still don't get it.
I dragged Jeff over to see the Buick models, as well as Cadillac. The Buick Lucerne is a really nice looking car... I was quite impressed with it, and it lives up to its motto: "Not your father's Buick". I also liked the Cadillac DTS. Finally, Cadillac makes a car I could picture myself driving again... which hasn't been the case since they redesigned their cars in 2000, dropping the D'Elegance look. Anyway, the Cadillac wasn't THAT different from the Lucerne that would make me want to spend the extra $10,000 - $20,000 on.... not that I have ANY money to be pondering new cars anyway.
Poor Jeff survived looking at my Granny cars, and I managed to not scare him off (yet) despite me taste for full size luxury sedans. Mmmmm... leather.....
He was introduced to my parents. Dad didn't say anything, which meant he liked him, because if Dad didn't like him.. then I would have heard about it. Mom asked a lot of questions about him, but summed up her feelings by saying "He seems normal." Toby loved him, and as far as he is concerned, he's a keeper. Toby's opinion is the one that matters so........
I have been tinkering with my bio lab which is due Tuesday. I want to pull my hair out!! I had to e-mail the professor for some clarification, and hope he gets back to me ASAP. Ugh.. I need a vacation.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Fire HOUSE
Celebrated Jason's Birthday yesterday... of course I had to take the opportunity to remind him that he is an old fart. He of course enjoys reminding me that I will be 25 soon, which means I will officially be old in the gay community.
We had a good time mall walking, and had dinner at Jack Astor's. We went back to his apartment where his boy friend Nick met us to have cake and tea. It was fun, and I hope his day was a blast... Jason is one in a million, with a heart of gold... he deserves the absolute best in life!!
Went to the fire HOUSE (I mistakenly called it a fire hall) to visit Jeff last night. It's a neat old building in Medina, about 40 mins from here. Not that hard to get to, and I only got lost once. Thankfully I am the type of guy who doesn't mind asking for directions.... I insist my next car is going to have ONSTAR in it. The fire house is located just off "Main" street. I had to laugh when I got out of the car.. it looked like I just stepped into the ghost town of the "O.K. Coral". I literally expected to see tumble weeds, or in this case snowballs, rolling down the street.
I enjoyed seeing all the photos they have at the house of fires they have gone to over the years... very commendable work. It was neat to see all the patches from various fire houses in western new york hanging on their wall. I was disappointed to see there wasn't one from North Tonawanda, so I intend to get one from Joe to give to the Media Fire Dept. I made sure I picked up one of their patches to give to the North Tonawanda guys as well... and snagged one for myself. =-P
I got the grand tour of the place, which was very impressive. The fire trucks and ambulances were fascinating, and I was drooling over the old architecture of the older section of the building. I met one of the other fire fighters, Brian, who seems like a really great guy, with a wonderful sense of humor. The one thing I was disappointed in was there was no pole in the fire house. I always wanted to slide down one of those poles.. and YES, I am well aware that there was absolutely no way to say that without it sounding kinky. Ha Ha! Anyway, the original pole to the building was damaged in the 1980's, and has since been removed. I was informed that many fire houses don't use them anymore for safety reasons, but I always wanted to try sliding down one like they do in the movies. (again, insert sexual chuckle here)
We had a good time mall walking, and had dinner at Jack Astor's. We went back to his apartment where his boy friend Nick met us to have cake and tea. It was fun, and I hope his day was a blast... Jason is one in a million, with a heart of gold... he deserves the absolute best in life!!
Went to the fire HOUSE (I mistakenly called it a fire hall) to visit Jeff last night. It's a neat old building in Medina, about 40 mins from here. Not that hard to get to, and I only got lost once. Thankfully I am the type of guy who doesn't mind asking for directions.... I insist my next car is going to have ONSTAR in it. The fire house is located just off "Main" street. I had to laugh when I got out of the car.. it looked like I just stepped into the ghost town of the "O.K. Coral". I literally expected to see tumble weeds, or in this case snowballs, rolling down the street.
I enjoyed seeing all the photos they have at the house of fires they have gone to over the years... very commendable work. It was neat to see all the patches from various fire houses in western new york hanging on their wall. I was disappointed to see there wasn't one from North Tonawanda, so I intend to get one from Joe to give to the Media Fire Dept. I made sure I picked up one of their patches to give to the North Tonawanda guys as well... and snagged one for myself. =-P
I got the grand tour of the place, which was very impressive. The fire trucks and ambulances were fascinating, and I was drooling over the old architecture of the older section of the building. I met one of the other fire fighters, Brian, who seems like a really great guy, with a wonderful sense of humor. The one thing I was disappointed in was there was no pole in the fire house. I always wanted to slide down one of those poles.. and YES, I am well aware that there was absolutely no way to say that without it sounding kinky. Ha Ha! Anyway, the original pole to the building was damaged in the 1980's, and has since been removed. I was informed that many fire houses don't use them anymore for safety reasons, but I always wanted to try sliding down one like they do in the movies. (again, insert sexual chuckle here)
Monday, February 5, 2007
Jeff...
Met up with Jeff at the Galleria today. Been hitting that mall up a lot recently. With the really cold weather, it's a nice place to go and walk around since being outdoors for too long is OUT OF THE QUESTION.
I really enjoyed my time with him. I made yet another visit to the Cheesecake Factory, and this time had lunch. Food was great, and so was the company. Jeff has studied these blog entries as well as my myspace page, and seems to enjoy catching me off guard with facts about my life that he has learned about from these sources. He amazes me at the little shit he remembers, while I am lucky if I can recall where I parked my car.
He is extremely goal oriented, and quite the hard worker. Only two years older than myself, he has accomplished a great deal (in my opinion). While I was amazed and impressed at his accomplishments, it certainly had me feeling at a loss, being stuck in educational and career limbo.
It was very refreshing to meet someone of his caliber, and I look forward to seeing him again.
So congrats Jeff... you got your very own blog entry right off the bat! =-P
I really enjoyed my time with him. I made yet another visit to the Cheesecake Factory, and this time had lunch. Food was great, and so was the company. Jeff has studied these blog entries as well as my myspace page, and seems to enjoy catching me off guard with facts about my life that he has learned about from these sources. He amazes me at the little shit he remembers, while I am lucky if I can recall where I parked my car.
He is extremely goal oriented, and quite the hard worker. Only two years older than myself, he has accomplished a great deal (in my opinion). While I was amazed and impressed at his accomplishments, it certainly had me feeling at a loss, being stuck in educational and career limbo.
It was very refreshing to meet someone of his caliber, and I look forward to seeing him again.
So congrats Jeff... you got your very own blog entry right off the bat! =-P
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Lust and Love
I have been doing a lot of thinking about gay "relationships".. how they work, how they don't work.. or perhaps how they don't even really exist. A lot of this thought process is coming from my own personal experiences and observations, as well as conversing with others, in addition to the fascinating works of research I am reading.
At Mass today, I noticed a woman whom I had frequently seen at my other parish where I was a server. She used to attend weekly with her husband. Though I rarely spoke with them, our few conversations were always pleasant, and they were both very kind people. I approached this woman after Mass and re-introduced myself to her. I asked how her husband was doing, and was saddened to hear that he passed away in December (she lost her sister and her husband within two weeks of each other). I offered her my condolences, as was saddened to hear of his death, though it was not a shock.. he was quite frail the last time I saw them about three years ago.
I was always touched by the love those two expressed for each other, and it again brought up the concept of gay relationships. I think so often (more so than not), gay men get overly obsessed with physical attraction and physical responses. There is a huge emphasis placed on youthfulness, body shape, muscle tone.. etc. My friend Dave reminds me constantly of the gay man's unending quest for the "perfect" gay boi toy... so often confusing lust for love.. two words which are NOT interchangeable, but in some men's minds become just that. So focused on carnal feelings, his mind and heart experience a never ending roller coaster of ups and downs... for when a man seeks out a companion purely based on physical attraction, he will never find himself satisfied.
I watched this couple together in their old age, and how they treated one another. Both in their late 70's, and he in very poor health, they were both very attentive to the other's needs.. though I could tell she was the primary care taker because she was more mobile and stronger than he. Their youthful looks had long faded, though a sense of beauty which is the human spirit, always remained on their faces. One would assume that the carnal passions between them had burned out, or perhaps was a mere flicker compared to decades ago. While carnal sexual desires may have been calmed, their overwhelming love for each other seemed to always grow. I have seen this to be true in many older couples. While people can (and I'm sure many do) have enjoyable sexual relations well into old age, it becomes overwhelmingly clear that it is not the focal point of their lives, and certainly not what brings joy to their hearts and "souls".
I think this is what worries me most about being gay.. the thought that gay men "can't" love like that. I have heard countless opinions of gay men from across the age and social spectrum that men are inherently programed to "spread their seed as much as possible", and that man is the only species that chooses a monogamous life mate (and that, it is argued, is because of social and religious pressures and ideals). I have given this a lot of thought as well. Humans are also the only species to laugh and truly feel humor or laughter. This is not imposed on us by any social or institutional thinking. Could we not look at our understanding of love and commitment in the same way? That we have a higher level of comprehension that animals lack? Perhaps we are set apart from other animals in our understanding of what can be. Animals seem to know love as a strongly carnal instinct, or at its highest point for them, a platonic relationship. Humans are capable of so much more.. yet we find ourselves downgrading such thoughts and feelings. It is notable to mention that the same men who have conversed with me about how absurd the concept of monogamy is, have often shown themselves to be very lonely individuals much of the time.
I am not advocating chastity until "marriage", or until one finds a life partner. I would surely be a hypocrite if I were. I see nothing wrong with occasional sexual experiences between two consenting adults.. after all, there is a carnal need in us, and it fills that carnal bodily desire (should be choose to). To keep things in perspective however, humans feel the bodily need for food, as expressed in hunger. While it is ok to indulge in McDonald's and Burger King, and enjoy the immediate satisfaction and taste of "fast food"... how much more satisfied are we when we have a REAL meal with our loved ones? A nutritious, well cooked meal prepared by or for someone we love?
I find myself growing tired of the "tv dinners" and "fast food" sexual fixes (to use the analogy above), and find myself more and more starving for the real meat and potatoes of life, and sharing that life with someone. Lust can surely be part of the equation, but it is not the solution.
At Mass today, I noticed a woman whom I had frequently seen at my other parish where I was a server. She used to attend weekly with her husband. Though I rarely spoke with them, our few conversations were always pleasant, and they were both very kind people. I approached this woman after Mass and re-introduced myself to her. I asked how her husband was doing, and was saddened to hear that he passed away in December (she lost her sister and her husband within two weeks of each other). I offered her my condolences, as was saddened to hear of his death, though it was not a shock.. he was quite frail the last time I saw them about three years ago.
I was always touched by the love those two expressed for each other, and it again brought up the concept of gay relationships. I think so often (more so than not), gay men get overly obsessed with physical attraction and physical responses. There is a huge emphasis placed on youthfulness, body shape, muscle tone.. etc. My friend Dave reminds me constantly of the gay man's unending quest for the "perfect" gay boi toy... so often confusing lust for love.. two words which are NOT interchangeable, but in some men's minds become just that. So focused on carnal feelings, his mind and heart experience a never ending roller coaster of ups and downs... for when a man seeks out a companion purely based on physical attraction, he will never find himself satisfied.
I watched this couple together in their old age, and how they treated one another. Both in their late 70's, and he in very poor health, they were both very attentive to the other's needs.. though I could tell she was the primary care taker because she was more mobile and stronger than he. Their youthful looks had long faded, though a sense of beauty which is the human spirit, always remained on their faces. One would assume that the carnal passions between them had burned out, or perhaps was a mere flicker compared to decades ago. While carnal sexual desires may have been calmed, their overwhelming love for each other seemed to always grow. I have seen this to be true in many older couples. While people can (and I'm sure many do) have enjoyable sexual relations well into old age, it becomes overwhelmingly clear that it is not the focal point of their lives, and certainly not what brings joy to their hearts and "souls".
I think this is what worries me most about being gay.. the thought that gay men "can't" love like that. I have heard countless opinions of gay men from across the age and social spectrum that men are inherently programed to "spread their seed as much as possible", and that man is the only species that chooses a monogamous life mate (and that, it is argued, is because of social and religious pressures and ideals). I have given this a lot of thought as well. Humans are also the only species to laugh and truly feel humor or laughter. This is not imposed on us by any social or institutional thinking. Could we not look at our understanding of love and commitment in the same way? That we have a higher level of comprehension that animals lack? Perhaps we are set apart from other animals in our understanding of what can be. Animals seem to know love as a strongly carnal instinct, or at its highest point for them, a platonic relationship. Humans are capable of so much more.. yet we find ourselves downgrading such thoughts and feelings. It is notable to mention that the same men who have conversed with me about how absurd the concept of monogamy is, have often shown themselves to be very lonely individuals much of the time.
I am not advocating chastity until "marriage", or until one finds a life partner. I would surely be a hypocrite if I were. I see nothing wrong with occasional sexual experiences between two consenting adults.. after all, there is a carnal need in us, and it fills that carnal bodily desire (should be choose to). To keep things in perspective however, humans feel the bodily need for food, as expressed in hunger. While it is ok to indulge in McDonald's and Burger King, and enjoy the immediate satisfaction and taste of "fast food"... how much more satisfied are we when we have a REAL meal with our loved ones? A nutritious, well cooked meal prepared by or for someone we love?
I find myself growing tired of the "tv dinners" and "fast food" sexual fixes (to use the analogy above), and find myself more and more starving for the real meat and potatoes of life, and sharing that life with someone. Lust can surely be part of the equation, but it is not the solution.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
This and That
Spent a good chunk of the day yesterday with Jason.. and enjoyed it. He stayed for dinner, and since Mom and Dad went out to eat, we made sandwiches and I made fries in the over.. I can cook just like my Momma. lol
We went out to Fugazi's for a drink.. just the two of us to get out and have a drink. We're both dealing with stress and a seasonal sense of "blahness".. though I must admit, he has a lot more on his plate than I do. Because of the poor weather, the bars were quite empty.. but still made for good conversation, and people watching.
My appetite has been out of control lately. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I even tried a "diet pill" which was supposed to curb my appetite.. but I actually think it makes me more hungry. Perhaps it's the lack of sunlight which allows our bodies to make energy, maybe it's the cold... whatever.. but I feel like I'm in withdrawal. I've been grabbing for fruit to try and at least make healthy snack choices but.. damn!!
We went out to Fugazi's for a drink.. just the two of us to get out and have a drink. We're both dealing with stress and a seasonal sense of "blahness".. though I must admit, he has a lot more on his plate than I do. Because of the poor weather, the bars were quite empty.. but still made for good conversation, and people watching.
My appetite has been out of control lately. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I even tried a "diet pill" which was supposed to curb my appetite.. but I actually think it makes me more hungry. Perhaps it's the lack of sunlight which allows our bodies to make energy, maybe it's the cold... whatever.. but I feel like I'm in withdrawal. I've been grabbing for fruit to try and at least make healthy snack choices but.. damn!!
Friday, February 2, 2007
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