It was a nice relaxing Sunday morning. I enjoyed mass, as well as the drive to and from. It's really warm for this time of year.... I stepped outside with my topcoat, and had to run in the house and grab the trench coat... I can't believe it's Decemeber and the temps were in the 50's!

Chatted with Sean M. on the phone for a little over an hour. He's such a great guy.. figures he lives states away. All the good ones live else where.

Went out with friends from work for our annual Christmas get together. Some of us still work in the lab, some no longer do.. but we all make sure we get together for Christmas. Went to the Outback Steakhouse, and we had a blast!! Stayed for three hours. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard and so much -- and let me tell ya, I LOVED it!! Oh, and strawberry daqueries (sp?) are AWESOME!

Got an e-mail from Anne today. Her health seems to really be fading. She has me very worried. She is going to call the doctor, and for her to actually call and make an appointment out of no where, she must really be feeling sick. I'm scared.. really scared. I can't lose anymore people close to me... not again, and not so soon. Seems like everyone I care about is leaving me.. one way or another. One by one.

Went to visit Anne and Vince last night. Anne has been having a rough week with her heart. She said she was on the couch most of the day because her heart did a few "flip flops" as she calls it. I could tell by her face that she was rather drained. She perked up for the visit though. I helped her put together some crafts for the children she teaches at her parish, and I actually appreciated the busy work.. keeps my mind from wandering.

I had baked a chocolate bunt cake to bring over, so we ate that with tea, and just sat around and talked. We exchanged our Christmas gifts knowing we would probably not be able to get together before Christmas day. I ended up getting her a tart burner from yankee candle, and two scented tarts. Had no idea what to get her, but she seemed to like it. She bought me a package of green tea... that new pyramid bag kind. She also gave me a set of 4 pedestal tea cups, with holly leaves on it. I was so excited!! LOL I was just thinking I didn't have any holidays "tea cups" to use when visitors come over.. and now I do. She always thinks of the neatest little stuff to get me which makes me all excited. Guess the old saying is true: "Small things amuse small minds."

Dad told me that union leaders are going in for talks Sunday. I hope and pray this strike with Dunlop will come to an end soon. These poor workers have been on strike for months now.. it's pretty damn scary. Thankfully we are still getting some checks from workman's comp because of Dad's surgery, but everyone else is not as fortunate. If things aren't resolved soon, my family will be losing their medical coverage. :-(

Oh... I PASSED MY POLITICS COURSE!!!!!!!!! WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Picked up the new elliptical machine from work today. Our garage is a DISASTER, so I cleared a small spot for it, and attempted to assemble it. There are around 500 pieces in that damn thing!! I would need a lot of room to empty all the pieces out onto the floor, preferably in numerical order. So, I put the pieces back in the box, and went for a bike ride instead. :-P

Jason stopped over today, and hung out for a while. Always a great treat for me to have company. Was really nice to see him again, and catch up on life. I found out yesterday that his bf Nick had to have his cat put to sleep. She had a lot of medical problems. I certainly feel for him.. loss of a loved one (and yes, pets count) is never an easy thing.

Speaking of animals, I stopped at the vet's office to pick up Toby's pills. As I waited, there was a 5 month old mini Colly. His name was Duke, and he was do damn cute!! He was all bouncy, and loved giving kisses. Friendly little pup. Seeing puppies is always great.

Got a Christmas card in the mail from Sean today, which was nice treat. I was actually very surprised when I pulled the card out of the envelope. Sean is anything but a fan of Christianity, and yet he sent me a religious card, with the Madonna and Child on the cover. When I saw the design, I actually double checked the return address to make sure it was from the Sean I was thinking. It was a really sweet gesture of him, and a very kind sign of respect for my beliefs. That simple act of respect and kindness made me so happy!!! It's the little things ya know?

Managed to do some more Christmas shopping, and am almost done. I have to get a gift for my godson, and for Anne and Vince. Wrapped all the stuff I do have already, and I am running out of room beneath the tree. That means Christmas is almost here!! wOOt!!

Walmart managed to really piss me off today. When you celebrate your 5th year (and Christmas season) with the company, they give you a holiday bonus. If you are part time, you get $25, if full time, $50. Well, this is my fifth Christmas with the company, and will be six years total in January. The company cut out the holiday bonus for the new associates eligible as of this year. So basically, anyone who received it as of last year was grand-fathered in, while the rest of us do not get one. How cheap can you get?!? Ugh!! Figures they would stop just when it was my turn to cash in.

Tuesday part two

So apparently after just one meeting, Bryan went running for the hills. I have my theories, but not worth the effort to even type them. Oh well, just another name among many... time to try again.

I really wish someone would explain to me just what it is that I'm lacking that I do so horribly when it comes to men. Perhaps I'm more out dated than I thought.. who knows. They seem really interested in me at first, then nothing... or what I really love.... we become just friends. My buddy list and e-mail address book is filled with guys who I had hoped for something deeper than just the occasional visit or going out for a drink.

Maybe I'm just gay-PMSing, but this shit is really REALLY bothering me. There are a few people like Anne, Jason, and my friends at work that think I'm such a good person, and really value my presence in their lives -- which is awesome. But there is a whole slew of other people that I became so attached to, who in the end I couldn't cut it with when I really started to vocalize who I was, and how I feel, and the way I see life. People I considered family, and close close friends... all gone because of me being me. My friends from church who turned their backs on me.. people I was GREAT friends with for four years.. worked so closely with, went to dinners at their homes, spent holidays with, called on the phone... The Grecos, the Trainors, "Aunt" Ruth... all gone. Now even Tim.

I was lucky, with people like Anne and Jason, it just clicked... and we love each other, faults and all.. and can respect each other without a word being said. But when it comes to other people, I've learned to keep my guard up, and keep them at a distance.

Tuesday part 1

Finnished the last of my Christmas cards.... and even got a few in the mail. Made another double batch of sugar cookie dough, and even got some more christmas shopping done. I'm almost ready for the 25th. LOL Anyone else want to come and have dinner here?? Let me know now so I can make even MORE cookies. =-P

Mom and Dad are buying an eliptical machine. yay! We just need to make room for it in the disaster area that is our garage. Can't wait to get it set up and start working out on it. Will be a great alternative for a work out other than just the treadmill.

Been pretty bummed the last few days... and diving into the holidays isn't helping as much as I would have hoped. Seems everytime I try to resolve problems that are really bothering me inside, they end up a million times worse. It's not a fun pattern.

tick tick tick tick tick....

I brought my Grandpa's mantel clock home from the repair shop... again. A week after I brought it home the first time, I had to send it back for more repair as it didn't keep the correct time. Almost three months later, it's back where it belongs.. in my living room. I've said it before, it is not by any means a great looking clock, but it warms my heart to see my Grandpa's pride and joy in working order again.

Had a chance to talk to Sean from Minn. last night.. was nice to chat with him again.

Jason called me today unexpectedly. He and Nick were in the area, and were going to stop by for a visit. Shame I had to work, would have been so great to see them. They both went to NYC this weekend for a quick visit... and I can't wait to see the pics. Always wanted to see NYC at Christmas time. Maybe someday I'll get there. I look forward to returning there again, though the possibility of a trip any time in the near future is highly unlikely.

Just for the record, Splenda is EVIL. I baked some cookies from the dough I made with splenda and they tasted SO nasty. I had to throw the whole batch of dough out. So, I used the other bowl of dough that I used regular sugar in, rolled it out, and baked the cookies last night. I will have to make up another double batch of dough sometime this week.... those cookies are always the first to go.

Dave stopped by on his way home from work today. Was nice to have some company, though we both ended up passing out and taking a nap... still, was nice to have someone here.

There are some great lines from one of my favorite movies: The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood that keep ringing through my head. Basically, one of the themes of the movie is a mother and daughter get into a huge fight because of a misunderstanding. They do everything they can to brutally attack the other, and know just what emotional buttons to push. If you've ever seen that movie, I am the embodiement of Vivian Abbott Walker: "You know me, I take a problem and chew on it till there's no flavor left.. then I wear it in my hair for all to see." Another line I keep remembering is: "She's trying to hate you. You just dealt her a swift blow to the ego."

I have a gift for taking a bad situation, and making it even harder on myself. You mean to tell me I'm not supposed to add lemon juice to the wound? Damn. No wonder it hurt so fuckin bad.

Quote of the day: "Bitterness is hardest on the person carrying it."